Friday, July 30, 2010

Watson. Has he a soul? Is he one of us?

Christian Ryan wrote an intriguing article not all that long ago on the character of Shane Watson. Ryan investigated the general antipathy felt toward Watson throughout this nation concluding that while a magnificent player, the man's character is undone by an overarching concern with the self rather than team. From what i've read a similar claim could be made for Bradman but this is not the time to become embroiled in historical smearing.

Readers of Trumper may have noticed that I advocate, at least tacitly, a moral universe of cause and effect. He who reveals himself to be a imp will surely be smited in such fashion. As this has clearly not been the case with Watson I would like to present a more radical accusation than Ryan. The only way I can accept Watson within my principled structure is to witness that he has subverted the system. What I charge Shane Watson with is no less than having sold his soul to the devil. In support of my argument I will investigate the history of the satanic pact and Watson's own Mephistophelian career. I will then discuss the consequences of this awful fact.

Possession is an age old concept. To go off only the New Testament the idea makes an early appearance with the demon Legion. Jesus transmutes the host from a leper to a drift of swine which casts itself into the sea. Devils have been a recurrent curse for the past two millenia, most militantly in the middle ages where they seemed to have had a foothold here, there, and everywhere. Our iniquitous race was punished accordingly though by those whom new best. The first record of a demonic pact for worldy gain though is the sixth century cleric Theophilus of Adano. The ambitious chap gave his soul for a bishopric and was saved from damnation only through the intervention of the Virgin Mary. Faust is the more widely known deal maker. The sometime alchemist, poet, lover, and musician has inspired works from among others Marlowe, Goethe and Mann. My own personal favourite is Stravinsky's chamber work Histoire du Soldat as well as the allusions paid by the composer in his opera The Rake's Progress. Faust is not merely a literary figure though and several eminent personages over the years have been quite seriously accused of making deals for this and that among them Paganini, Liszt, and Robert Johnson.

Closer to home for me as a boy was the uneasy relationship balanced between my own spiritual walk and Enya. I, an upright and devoted young Christian, felt an unnatural pull and reverance in my love for the beautiful music of the Irish singer. These fey, slightly pagan themed songs with arching reverbed lines of multiple layered voices and mystical synthesizers were surely the work of the occult and no doubt sowed the seeds of my spiritual decline. Reviewing the matter now, there was surely all sorts of devilry going on which Maire Brennan got wise to and ousted her young cousin from Clannad. Enya must then have contracted some sort of deal with the helper Nicky Ryan, made some wonderful music, sold 70 million records and now lives in a castle. Watch the full video for I Want Tomorrow and you will see that Enya is clearly possessed by Satan.


Having proved that one can actually enter into agreement with the devil for personal gain I must prove that Watson has actually done so.

Watson's career abounds with the two characteristics that make Satan's favourite breeding grounds- innate talent and hard work. (Do not think that the Devil delights in sloth. Only read Paradise Lost to realise what a diligent chap he is). So determined was the young S.R.W. as to emigrate to Tasmania at a tender age. As the state's all-rounder so emphatic was his opening statement that he brought himself to national notice and replaced no lesser personage than Steve Waugh in the ODI team. Into the test team he made his way and failed to distinguish himself both in the versatile duty of a number six as well with untroubling medium pacers. Before even facing the ignominy of being dropped, Watson underwent the harder fate of debilitating injury. What was so dreadful about this period of extended injury was how tantalisingly close poor Watson came to making his way back in lionised circumstances. For the great comeback series of the 2007 Ashes our fellow was primed to be the great Australian answer to the marauding horde, set to return and triumph over our humiliation. Poor Watson went and lost his hamstring on the eve of the event publicly weeping like a babe.

Having skimmed over the circumstances let us imagine now the relationship between Satan and Watson at this time. Lucifer must have kept a keen eye on young Watson and his early success and perhaps it was a malignant trick to cut down the fellow early on and plague his body. I doubt there were firm plans as yet, this was merely keeping pans in the fire. Coming back to his young prospect though Satan must have felt now was a good moment for a visit. 'Shane,' said Satan, 'How would you like me to aid you at this propitious moment?' I imagine to this kind offer Watson, at this stage still a fairly personable chap must have said, 'No thank you. I'm doing quite fine by myself' To which Satan must have made some facetious remarks and told our man that his lovely opportunity would be ruined.

Poor old Shane. How lost and sad and frustrated he must have felt. How much time must he have spent wandering about the wilderness?


So then the next move was the great temptation to take advantage of this frustration. I do not think that the devil is in with Merv Hughes and David Boon therefore I believe he used his servant John Buchanan.


The dropping of Phil Hughes in such nasty and unwarranted circumstances screams foul play. Surely there was voodoo involved and JB performed some sort of necromancy in the situation. What more foul than this? A visitation to the fragile Watson, promises of rejuvanation... I doubt Watson actively encouraged his temptor but he might have neglected to forbid such action. And so was it carried forth. Watson had his gains but was not yet aware of the price. Our man was allowed his initial success priding himself on his admirable skills and unaware of any outside aid. Still malignance was apparent and Watson's comment on the unfortunate Hughes, 'He's had his chance, now its mine', displays an ungracious character.

Then as the Australian summer commenced came Satan with the bill. Watson cocksure and haughty must have scorned his ally claiming the absence of any pact. How subtle are the ways of the Devil though? Rather than bringing down his prey in a picque of fury and exercise of power, Watson was allowed to taste the trace of success without its full fruit, Satan pinching his wicket ever and ever in the late nineties. There are many evidences of Shane's dreadful character. At the last WACA test I watched as he he testily had a fan removed for casting some trite sledge in his direction. You have your stories as I have mine. One we all share as it is the most heinous. His awful behaviour in the Boxing Day Test. Katich clearly disliked Watson and there was no communication between the pair. But when our man was run out he appealled to the umpire to have Katich be judged out. This is surely the lowest of his behaviour and if my hypothesis has any truth the most obvious display of Watson's guilt and frustration.

At some point Watson gave in and is now a fully fledged worshipper of Satan no longer in possession of his soul. I imagine that evening stumps was called with Watson on 99 must have been a long one with the temptor seated at the edge of the bed. His dismissal the next morning still short of the stupid target must have been the final straw for Shane and the lad caved. How else may we explain why such an ugly character has had this unheralded success in unfamiliar circumstance of opener and bowler, particularly this latest offering of six wickets at Headingley.


So possibly Watson is a Satanist. More probable is that he is a very bad egg and I have been talking a lot of rot. Anyway what holds the future? Marcus North is surely gone. I believe there are several possible changes then:

-Steve Smith replaces North and Hauritz returns as major spinner.

-Watson slips back to the middle order so as to be able to bowl for more extended periods. Hughes returns as opener.

-Watson remains as opener. North is replaced by another such as Callum Ferguson, George Bailey, or perhaps even Usman Khawaja.

As I write this I am sitting here watching England make small work of Pakistan so it is unlikely there will be any changes there for the Ashes.


  1. I dunno, Trig. I kind of feel as if cricket is protected from this sort of thing a) because it's cricket and b) because of that 'Jesus played cricket' research a year or so ago which surely affords it some celestial protection.

    You're right about Enya though.

  2. I truly do not understand this whole religion you people try to represent your beliefs as. You may not like someone and automatically deem them a bad soul who makes deals with the devil and practices all sorts of witchcraft. Such a thing does not exist! You must think I am a devil myself for I yell and wear black and act selfish at times. But no! I also can be colorful and kind and selfless. It is human nature, not foolish sorcery and mystical beings that makes us who we are. I cannot believe what I am reading. Enya possessed by Satan? Utter foolishness!