Conclusions from the WACA

From the outset I must make clear that this will probably be a long and involved entry. I have spent the past four days attending the Perth Ashes Test utterly absorbed in cricket. I've been considering much and will share the most pertinent of these thoughts. To make the process of reading more digestible the material is categorised under headings. Please approach and disregard it as you see fit.

THE VINDICATION OF SELECTORS?
Frankly no. Australia's stunning win at the WACA has not proven wise the more controversial decisions made by Hilditch and his board. The recall of Johnson did arguably win the match for Australia but after their lacklustre travails in the field at Adelaide such a step seemed inevitable.

A STUPID PORTRAIT OF THE MATCH-WINNER

The dual shifts made to the batting were failures. I have an awful lot of time for Phillip Hughes and after his sacking in the northern Ashes I was railing about, crying blue murder. I question the timing of this recall though. It might have been a good move six months ago when, with North clearly unfit for his job, long-sightedness would have moved Watson down the order despite his success opening. This would have granted Hughes the opportunity to solidify himself in the position, aided by his mentor Katich, in preperation for this most pivotal of series. Hughes looked underwhelming and scratchy, and soon departed the crease in his two outings. Steven Smith was equally unimpressive. Though he managed to stay in the middle for a surprising amount of time in both innings and made a valued 36 runs in the second, he was far from convincing. There were some fine shots played for those runs but there was more evidence of rashness and immaturity including three very close shaves early on. Both of his dismissals were soft.

Hughes has a struggle ahead to grasp his spot and deliver on his early promise, however unjustly it was first seized from him. I have greater fear for Steve Smith. There is no doubt of his talent but I wish he was left alone a bit longer to develop before heaping this pressure upon him. I fear he may be discarded to the growing pile of rejected players never given their proper chance. Bring him in against Bangladesh with the chance to flex himself, don't dump him in the middle of a ferocious Ashes series. There is merit to the Australian selectors embracing youth to rebuild the team but this is a rotten moment to pick. In the circumstances it would have been more prudent to have selected an experienced, in-form player of more dour mould such as Phil Jaques or Michael Klinger. However, having established matters thus, the batting order should not be tampered with for the duration of the series. I only hope that the youngsters can remain with their careers intact.

Siddle had little impact with the ball, (though his brief cameos with the bat were full of staunch bravery), and was little used. I think him a fine player but the lack of variation and depth to his bowling indicates that he is not of test pedigree. One would imagine that he will be dropped in Melbourne to bring a spinner to the side. Given that Hauritz took 5 wickets and made an invaluable 75 runs in the test last year, as well as his convincing performances with ball and two centuries in the Sheffield Shield since his dropping, it would be criminal to ignore the man again. Still the manner in which the selectors have acted seems to indicate Hauritz will continue to be cooly shunned. If the board remains true to their audacious move last week then Michael Beer could debut. Undoubtedly the drama will be played out in the coming week.

SACKING THE COACH
Describing England's performance four years ago Simon Barnes wrote in The Times,

"It was cricket as it might have been written by Kafka: a hideous punishment, as unjust as it was incomprehensible... It was like playing cricket against the Gestapo: cricket as a form of atrocity in which resistance is useless... in which pain and hatred become distorted into a loving and grateful submission to the torturer."

Watching Australia slump to 5 for 69 on the first day at the WACA I felt a similar sense of anguish and horrified disbelief. It was as in Thomas Hardy's Jude the Obscure where the hapless hero discovers his infant children have hung themselves; or the bleak misery of King Lear, a world without meaning or purpose, where child is pitted against parent, which Keats called an obscene struggle,

"Betwixt damnation and impassion'd clay".

Notwithstanding Adelaide and the slump over these past several years, to witness Australia humbled in such forceful manner was a spectacle of apocalyptic schism, it was to have all my expectations and beliefs of existence toppled upon one another. Despite their deliverance from the jaws of despair to romp home with unlikely emphatic victory, this miserable display of incompetence should remain with those responsible in preparation for Boxing Day.

There is one gentleman above others whom I would like to single out as worthy of blame and censure, Australia's batting coach Justin Langer. I didn't particularly like Langer as a player and his shenanigans since retirement have only confirmed my apprehensions. For example I find it incredibly petty in the man that he returns to Scarborough Cricket Club every finals season to ensure the team's success. In doing so he shirks the weekly grind of club cricket but is able to enjoy the role of saviour, ignoring the pertinent fact that placing a professional in an amatuer competition is a mockery of the spirit of the game.

JUSTIN LANGER PRACTISES THE UNIQUELY AUSTRALIAN MARTIAL ART, ZEN DO KAI

Langer seems to live his life in a spirit of self-reverential glory, the phoney spiritualism that was a brief fad in the early 90s, and servile obeisance to anyone in a position of power. He retired from the Australian team before being shoved, and latched on to the accolades heaped upon Warne and McGrath though these players were in a class above him. He then proceeded to linger about the Australian dressing rooms, clinging to the past, until being made batting coach and "mentor". What the latter role entails I shudder to think but it almost certainly includes prattling off nonsense of the variety found in his inspirational book, Seeing the Sunrise. I invite the reader to examine Langer's website to see what a hideous display of sham and indulgence the man is. There you will find sage wisdom such as Justin's current thought of the day,

"Every Day is A New Life to a Wise Man"

Another proof of his prattish nature lies in his having been tipped to run for the Australian Liberal Party in the coming years. Langer lives next door to the Western Australian Liberal President, Barry Court, and undoubtedly the pair connive together in their opulence and make evil schemes for the detriment of the nation. This is not to say that cricketers should not go into politics. The sporting hero of the left-wing, Adam Gilchrist, has also been tipped to run for federal politics but for the at least nominally more benevolent Labor Party. We wish him good luck in all his ventures.

WOULD YOU NOT VOTE FOR THIS MAN OVER THE OTHER?

Langer is not the first retiree to find it difficult to leave the footholds of his former glory, and his new age mysticism is no more offensive than that of any other middle-aged, middle-class female with ample time on her hands. Really he is a harmless enough plant and it is sanguinary of me to slander him so. The man has engendered a bitter loathing in me though ever since he nearly sabotaged last summer's cricket season with his endless occupation of the ABC commentary box. Over two exciting series he had a intimate viewpoint from which he could have shared unique and revealing facts with listeners. Instead Langer bored the nation with insipid nonsense about practicing Zen Do Kai at dawn on the beach and endless stories about his own achievements. He showed no interest in the action before him rather being wholly concerned with himself. I do not imagine that I was alone in sending a vehement letter to the ABC on the subject and haply he has not returned this Ashes.

YES, PLEASE LEAVE

One would think then that without media distractions he could concentrate on doing his job but Australia's batting was a sham. In fairness Mitchell Johnson when speaking of his aureate innings mentioned having a throw down with Justin Langer prior to trotting out so perhaps my attack has been completely without foundation. I still don't trust him though.

IN DEFENCE OF MICHAEL CLARKE
There are discordant murmurs and grumbling throughout our nation. While buoyed by victory, the population seems disenchanted with Ponting as well as the greater cricket administration. From my observations though the most vehement criticism is being levelled at Michael Clarke. I have heard jibes on buses, taunts on the ground, and read questioning in the papers. The immediate source of disatisfaction stems from his recent indifferent form with a current series average of 23. This certainly is inconvenient at the present time, but while the past six months have been disappointing please recall Clarke's previous stellar form averaging 65 from the 2009 until the end of the 2010 summer season. His batting is not to be doubted and the pertinent question is more will he ever prove himself worthy of being considered among the great batsmen.

The public's distaste for the heir apparent is really rather the result of Clarke's personal character which has been on unfortunate open exposition these past years. This has led to wide-spread debate about his capability for captaincy. Ignore the tabloid drivel about his relationship with Lara Bingle, that aspect of his personal life has nothing to do with us. Clarke has lost the golden hue of his younger years. He speaks more or less like a bogan, he acts in the manner of a slight prima donna or self-aware celebrity, and seems very boring as a person. I have doubts as to whether he is a particularly nice fellow. Yesterday morning I watched him shirk off some young autograph seekers while his team mates patiently penned all manner of accessories (not to mention Justin Langer who took the task up with a relish). To me this is always the sign of a poor character.

SO HE LOOKS LIKE EMINEM

Clarke uses a Twitter account to make statements to the public. The reasons behind some celebrities doing this is beyond me as they divulge their private lives to all and sundry. Shane Warne and Liz Hurley made easy the work of tabloid journalists by venting over the network these past few days. Clarke's Twitter is a very dull affair and here are some extracts from it,

Watching the brake up.. Very funny show... Jennifer Aniston is hot..
3:15 AM Dec 5th via Twitter for iPhone

Hot radox bath, candles on and a few of my fav tunes... Great recovery for the old body.. Thinking home made hamburgers for dinner..
3:26 PM Nov 14th via Twitter for iPhone

Enjoy everyday of your life.. This is not a practice run..
2:49 PM Oct 19th via Twitter for iPhone

It goes on in more or less the same vein with drab personal tripe, platitudes about cricket, and messages to his friends. Stand this in comparison with Graeme Swann's Twitter who more or less uses it for the correct reasons: to give information and be funny,

I commented on the amount of roadworks in Perth today to our taxi driver. His cryptic response? "it's cos they all smoke marijuana". Huh?!
5:29 PM Dec 15th via TwitBird iPad

The life that Vinny Chase lives in Entourage is remarkably similar to mine. In yesterdays episode he had a haircut. Last week, so did I. Wow
6:14 PM Dec 4th via TwitBird iPad

Monty and ajmal got very excited at the airport when some dude called Kano made an appearance. Turns out he's what the kids call a "rapper"
3:22 PM Dec 13th via TwitBird iPad

I googled him, but turns out "rap" isn't my cup of tea. So I put shed seven on and pressed genius on my iPod instead.
3:31 PM Dec 13th via TwitBird iPad

For those interested, the genius playlist threw up charlatans,stone roses, inspiral carpets, soup dragons, mansun, oasis, longpigs, dodgy...
4:01 PM Dec 13th via TwitBird iPad
...and even a bit of Cast! So what's it all about, do you really wanna know? Sadly my young teammates are oblivious to any of these bands
4:04 PM Dec 13th via TwitBird iPad

All of you who enjoyed that playlist should make a pilgrimage to south nightclub in manc. Clint Boon is dj no less. Amazing indie disco
8:02 PM Dec 13th via TwitBird iPad

What is truly exciting about Clarke is his tactical acumen. It meant nothing in the course of the match but was a most thrilling sight yesterday when, with Ponting from the field, Clarke set a field to Finn consisting of the full complement of slips, including leg slip, with only a silly mid-on in front of the batsman. In his appearances in the role Clarke has revealed himself to be a dynamic, imaginative, and aggressive tactician in the mould of Mark Taylor. I truly look forward to the appointment of Michael Clarke. Whether it will come following the World Cup, or whether Ponting will linger, we shall have to await with patience.

TRUMPER=FAME?
CricInfo were kind enough to let me write a Fan Following report for the third day of the WACA Test which can be found here. I am awfully thrilled to have something published on the website and very grateful to them for the opportunity. Hopefully I can write more for them in the future. Gosh I feel chuffed.

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In closure, Australia still have a way to go before they can think to win this series. England were appalling in the WACA Test. To lose the game after having Australia at 5 for 69, and then again after being none for 78, is disgraceful. They are the better team though. Who would have thought that Ian Bell was actually good? On the last southern Ashes tour Bell was the most spineless and useless player in the dreadful squad and now here he is looking wondrous. Despite squandering the game and pathetically collapsing in the final innings, England's professionalism was on display immediately following the match with the reserve bowlers again out on the pitch. After four days of seeing any number of cricketing celebrities, (including an unconfirmed sighting of Barry Richards), I did not spot Andy Flower apart from his arrival at the ground on the first day. I can only imagine then that he sits ensconsed behind screens and paperwork in some burrow masterminding what could be the greatest achievement of his career. It would be difficult to trump his courageous stand with Henry Olonga on the death of democracy in Zimbabwe though.

Boxing Day is going to be an utter treat. I hope dear readers that you are as riveted as I am for this is surely the most splendid of pleasures. Oh and on a final note I must share with you my favourite comment overheard at the test between two drear old wind bags sat in the members-

"That Watson is a lazy looking bugger isn't he?"
"Yeah. I bet you he has a collection of surf boards at home."

Stand We Here in Disbelief

Given these stupendous events of the past few weeks, (which I have been confined to following in scouring over scorecards, devouring bulletins, and pestering only half-interested friends for details,) you can imagine my bewilderment on entering this maelstrom now raging in our nation. It is fantastically grotesque, and while I can't exactly say that the novelty of it delights me, certainly it is scintillating and I am completely enthralled. For the past fifteen years Australia have dominated world cricket and the monotony has been so boring. Further they have done so with a swagger and often arrogance which is ill-bred, ugly, and discredits the game. However since hosting India over the summer of 2007-2008, chinks have appeared in the team's impenetrability. Now they stand barely half-clothed and totally vulnerable. It is proof that I am a poor patriot for rather than being petulant with the turn of events, I am giddy with excitement at the upheaval, if somewhat aghast and horrified by its extent. Though partly just the passage of time, in many ways this present plight is the deserts of the leadership and administration's hubris. There is some sour justice in this then like the crumbled effigy of Ozymandias.

It is not my intention to reiterate the views which have been sounding out around the country, nor to dwell too heavily upon the play with the Adelaide test only half done. I would however like to make known my views and disgust on several of the more heinous decisions that have been made just recently.

Foremost is the treatment of Nathan Hauritz. Poor benighted chap. His career has been such an unaided struggle and his sacking is not merely a mistake but an insult. Making his surprise debut in place for the injured Warne in India in 2003, the off-spinner gathered the very respectable first innings figures of 3/16 including the scalps of Tendulkar and Laxman. His reward however was to be cast out into the wilderness, shunned by his native Queensland and forced to forge a way into New South Wales. Half a decade later, once his nation had dogged its way through half a dozen other fellows and made a joke of the profession, they returned to the outcast. And goodness wasn't he jeered! For it became a national pastime to point out the man's limitations and inadequacies, particularly after he failed to remove the English tail at Cardiff. Steadily though Hauritz improved and rewarded that faith shown in him. Without making a spectacle of the matter, he modestly but constantly took wickets making his desertion for the Oval a mild national outrage.

SEE! HE'S A GOOD GUY.

Last summer Hauritz went so far as to even endear himself to the country. He played a solid supporting role to Hilfenhaus at the Gabba and made an invaluable half-century against the West Indies. While in the next match he again failed to dislodge a stubborn tail, his later heroics in the season included consecutive fifers against Pakistan, both match winning performances. In this manner Hauritz established himself as no great practitioner of his art, but a steady performer and reliable option for Australia's immediate future until Smith or otherwise should take the mantle. This was followed by a somewhat disappointing tour of New Zealand before a lengthy injury kept him out of those fiery matches against Pakistan in England. Unfortunately though his reputation has been gauged on that recent performance in India. He had a rotten series but if that is reason for dismissal most of the team should be out on the street. Additionally in his defence, just about every touring spinner in India has been trounced and the man wasn't even allowed to play his natural game for his inept captain wheedled at him distracting nonsense about lines and ignored him at his due moments. To then be abandoned on the eve of the Ashes for a comparative novice is a slap in the face. Australia's oversight in this matter has been ably displayed. It is for Hauritz's benefit though that he is apart from the team at this hellish time. Once Australia manage to regroup themselves, he will be recalled and hopefully justify his place till the selectors grow skittish once again. I am shocked by the short-sightedness of their actions. I cannot believe that they considered Doherty a long term prospect. The only reasoning that exonerates is they wanted some fool to bear the brunt of the present situation so as to bring Smith at some later time without any pressure upon him. This is such a negative strategy though it seems highly foreign to Australian cricket.

The reason I take such umbrage over Hauritz is that he defies that brand of ostentatious, bandying, overbearing Australian spirit which I find so offensive and fill these pages railing against. Rather he is quiet and unassuming, incredibly polite and with a warm friendly manner. Unlike the rest of the pompous, post-metrosexual twits who make up the team, he is sweet, artless and even a bit weird. When researching on his figures I came upon this odd piece in an article,

During a month spent with his foot in a moon boot, waiting for the cuboid bone to heal, he was restricted to upper-body fitness work, television, Xbox and a bit of reading. One of the non-cricket books was The Wolf of Wall Street, about Jordan Belfort, a former millionaire stockbroker who ended up in prison for shares fraud.

"I only read that book because it was about money," he said. "I love money. I love anything about that. It was an interesting read."

Already during the camp Clarke had teased Hauritz about no longer needing to lay-by his shopping. Hauritz responded by saying his flat is as big as Clarke's ensuite...

He grew up in the coastal town of Hervey Bay and retains the honest, relaxed characteristics of a country Queensland kid. "I'm very simple," he said. "My wife and family keep me pretty grounded, and I've got some really good mates.

Hauritz then is something of a class hero even though he has mild, middle-class manners, remniscent of the Australian of yester-year in distinction from his contemporaries. While we can admire his homely candour, what is this preponderance with money? What an odd characteristic for a cricketer and how interesting for the journalist to pick up on it.

LET'S HOPE HE MAKES A PACKET SOME DAY

I am finding this ploy of the selectors of a horses for courses policy somewhat confusing. Perhaps there are some merits to the scheme given the diversity of Australia's contracted players and the increasing evidence that few are capable of versatility and consistency in varying conditions. So far though it must be owned that their experiments in the field have been abject failures. Rather than exploiting the strengths of the greater group its has put undue stress upon individuals, dismembering team unity as hopefuls expend themselves to prove their worth. What irks me is that while this scheme may have been effective were it given substantial prior trial, it has been thrust upon all at this pivotal time disrupting what little sense of stability remained within the fragile team.

It has become obvious that the Australian administration has not had a long term plan these past two years. They have scrambled, trying to patch up those problems swooping upon them in swift simultaneity like a hydra. What a contrast this is to the cool assurance of the English who are enjoying the rewards of their careful planning and dedication to it. I think Hilfenhaus still the country's finest quick bowler but really it would not be too surprising to see wholesale changes made to the pace attack for the WACA test. North too will probably also be chopped unless he proves something in the remainder of Adelaide. I will be sad at this for I like North and have grown only the more fond of him with each survival in face of all odds. I do think that the selectors should stick with him now as they failed to march him off earlier in the year when such action was warranted. This is not me being merely affectionate. To bring in Khawaja or Ferguson or such young understudy at this juncture could be disastrous. A proven elder such as Aaron Finch of the golden form, or perhaps Shaun Marsh (though he and Western Australia have done little to credit any attention this summer,) may be the wiser move but this fosters worry for the unity of team. Australia stand on the verge of all-out panic at this point and the administration needs to do what they can to stem this trend and restore assurance to their charges. This could be done either with some savvy changes and a remodeled but inspired group, or by maintaining faith in those with whom they have cast their lot, placing loyalty above cause and effect and dignity above the flurry even should it mean defeat.

WHAT IS HE CAPABLE OF?

Before this descends into a rant of opinion I would like to bring up a mere point of conjecture: why did Watson admit the blame for running Katich out? After Watson's tantrum last Boxing Day, where in front of the entire nation he ran himself out then in his cantanker appealed to the umpire to place the punishment upon his partner, that disgraceful display of petulance is impossible to reconcile with this humble admission of guilt. Watson is a sneak. Therefore I can only imagine that he is making a run for the captaincy. Should Australia carry on to magnificently fail this summer Ponting will be against the wall. Clarke is looking iffy and no-one trusts him cause they feel he is a wimp. Poor fellow. (For my money I still think he will make a fine captain even with those silly tattoos). Katich is too old. Hussey is a rotten captain and led the team to bedlam in New Zealand four years back. Haddin doesn't seem to be in the equation. No-one else has solidity in the team. Watson then is licking his lips.

SHALL WE MAKE HIM OUR ROLE MODEL?

I would like to go on to speak of the excellence of the English team but will keep it brief for now. Where has this atmosphere come from though? For even that most surly of individuals, Mr. Pietersen, to be gushing ecstatically of the joy of the dressing room means some new spirit dwells therein. I intend to research this and write a fuller piece shortly but for the moment I think we must just marvel at Andy Flower and his achievement.

This will be a marvelous series, even should it slump into an epic disaster for Australia. So long as I am able to maintain this fantastic schedule of unlimited cricket time I will be writing my observations as often as I think them worth sharing. Please maintain your interest with Trumper this summer then and I will deliver all that I am able to.

Watson. Has he a soul? Is he one of us?

Christian Ryan wrote an intriguing article not all that long ago on the character of Shane Watson. Ryan investigated the general antipathy felt toward Watson throughout this nation concluding that while a magnificent player, the man's character is undone by an overarching concern with the self rather than team. From what i've read a similar claim could be made for Bradman but this is not the time to become embroiled in historical smearing.

Readers of Trumper may have noticed that I advocate, at least tacitly, a moral universe of cause and effect. He who reveals himself to be a imp will surely be smited in such fashion. As this has clearly not been the case with Watson I would like to present a more radical accusation than Ryan. The only way I can accept Watson within my principled structure is to witness that he has subverted the system. What I charge Shane Watson with is no less than having sold his soul to the devil. In support of my argument I will investigate the history of the satanic pact and Watson's own Mephistophelian career. I will then discuss the consequences of this awful fact.

Possession is an age old concept. To go off only the New Testament the idea makes an early appearance with the demon Legion. Jesus transmutes the host from a leper to a drift of swine which casts itself into the sea. Devils have been a recurrent curse for the past two millenia, most militantly in the middle ages where they seemed to have had a foothold here, there, and everywhere. Our iniquitous race was punished accordingly though by those whom new best. The first record of a demonic pact for worldy gain though is the sixth century cleric Theophilus of Adano. The ambitious chap gave his soul for a bishopric and was saved from damnation only through the intervention of the Virgin Mary. Faust is the more widely known deal maker. The sometime alchemist, poet, lover, and musician has inspired works from among others Marlowe, Goethe and Mann. My own personal favourite is Stravinsky's chamber work Histoire du Soldat as well as the allusions paid by the composer in his opera The Rake's Progress. Faust is not merely a literary figure though and several eminent personages over the years have been quite seriously accused of making deals for this and that among them Paganini, Liszt, and Robert Johnson.

Closer to home for me as a boy was the uneasy relationship balanced between my own spiritual walk and Enya. I, an upright and devoted young Christian, felt an unnatural pull and reverance in my love for the beautiful music of the Irish singer. These fey, slightly pagan themed songs with arching reverbed lines of multiple layered voices and mystical synthesizers were surely the work of the occult and no doubt sowed the seeds of my spiritual decline. Reviewing the matter now, there was surely all sorts of devilry going on which Maire Brennan got wise to and ousted her young cousin from Clannad. Enya must then have contracted some sort of deal with the helper Nicky Ryan, made some wonderful music, sold 70 million records and now lives in a castle. Watch the full video for I Want Tomorrow and you will see that Enya is clearly possessed by Satan.

OBVIOUSLY A WITCH

Having proved that one can actually enter into agreement with the devil for personal gain I must prove that Watson has actually done so.

Watson's career abounds with the two characteristics that make Satan's favourite breeding grounds- innate talent and hard work. (Do not think that the Devil delights in sloth. Only read Paradise Lost to realise what a diligent chap he is). So determined was the young S.R.W. as to emigrate to Tasmania at a tender age. As the state's all-rounder so emphatic was his opening statement that he brought himself to national notice and replaced no lesser personage than Steve Waugh in the ODI team. Into the test team he made his way and failed to distinguish himself both in the versatile duty of a number six as well with untroubling medium pacers. Before even facing the ignominy of being dropped, Watson underwent the harder fate of debilitating injury. What was so dreadful about this period of extended injury was how tantalisingly close poor Watson came to making his way back in lionised circumstances. For the great comeback series of the 2007 Ashes our fellow was primed to be the great Australian answer to the marauding horde, set to return and triumph over our humiliation. Poor Watson went and lost his hamstring on the eve of the event publicly weeping like a babe.

Having skimmed over the circumstances let us imagine now the relationship between Satan and Watson at this time. Lucifer must have kept a keen eye on young Watson and his early success and perhaps it was a malignant trick to cut down the fellow early on and plague his body. I doubt there were firm plans as yet, this was merely keeping pans in the fire. Coming back to his young prospect though Satan must have felt now was a good moment for a visit. 'Shane,' said Satan, 'How would you like me to aid you at this propitious moment?' I imagine to this kind offer Watson, at this stage still a fairly personable chap must have said, 'No thank you. I'm doing quite fine by myself' To which Satan must have made some facetious remarks and told our man that his lovely opportunity would be ruined.

Poor old Shane. How lost and sad and frustrated he must have felt. How much time must he have spent wandering about the wilderness?

I IMAGINE THIS PHOTOGRAPH MUST DATE FROM THIS TIME AS WATSON STILL HAS A SHADOW

So then the next move was the great temptation to take advantage of this frustration. I do not think that the devil is in with Merv Hughes and David Boon therefore I believe he used his servant John Buchanan.

A DEMON

The dropping of Phil Hughes in such nasty and unwarranted circumstances screams foul play. Surely there was voodoo involved and JB performed some sort of necromancy in the situation. What more foul than this? A visitation to the fragile Watson, promises of rejuvanation... I doubt Watson actively encouraged his temptor but he might have neglected to forbid such action. And so was it carried forth. Watson had his gains but was not yet aware of the price. Our man was allowed his initial success priding himself on his admirable skills and unaware of any outside aid. Still malignance was apparent and Watson's comment on the unfortunate Hughes, 'He's had his chance, now its mine', displays an ungracious character.

Then as the Australian summer commenced came Satan with the bill. Watson cocksure and haughty must have scorned his ally claiming the absence of any pact. How subtle are the ways of the Devil though? Rather than bringing down his prey in a picque of fury and exercise of power, Watson was allowed to taste the trace of success without its full fruit, Satan pinching his wicket ever and ever in the late nineties. There are many evidences of Shane's dreadful character. At the last WACA test I watched as he he testily had a fan removed for casting some trite sledge in his direction. You have your stories as I have mine. One we all share as it is the most heinous. His awful behaviour in the Boxing Day Test. Katich clearly disliked Watson and there was no communication between the pair. But when our man was run out he appealled to the umpire to have Katich be judged out. This is surely the lowest of his behaviour and if my hypothesis has any truth the most obvious display of Watson's guilt and frustration.

At some point Watson gave in and is now a fully fledged worshipper of Satan no longer in possession of his soul. I imagine that evening stumps was called with Watson on 99 must have been a long one with the temptor seated at the edge of the bed. His dismissal the next morning still short of the stupid target must have been the final straw for Shane and the lad caved. How else may we explain why such an ugly character has had this unheralded success in unfamiliar circumstance of opener and bowler, particularly this latest offering of six wickets at Headingley.

SPEAKING IN TONGUES

So possibly Watson is a Satanist. More probable is that he is a very bad egg and I have been talking a lot of rot. Anyway what holds the future? Marcus North is surely gone. I believe there are several possible changes then:

-Steve Smith replaces North and Hauritz returns as major spinner.

-Watson slips back to the middle order so as to be able to bowl for more extended periods. Hughes returns as opener.

-Watson remains as opener. North is replaced by another such as Callum Ferguson, George Bailey, or perhaps even Usman Khawaja.

As I write this I am sitting here watching England make small work of Pakistan so it is unlikely there will be any changes there for the Ashes.